I mentioned in my first post that I am a grad student two times over at the moment. I'm in the final (hopefully) stages of my dissertation and its drafting before the editing process begins, but I'm also a new grad student in the field of History. Weird as it may sound, I decided to apply to a Masters program in History with the hopes that the rigorous training I encountered during my undergraduate studies and also my first Masters, would help guide me to the type of writing and investigation that I craved in order to help give my dissertation more depth and focus.
To state that I'm feeling overwhelmed by the reading and short writing exercises would be an understatement. I'm taking three courses this semester, all thought-provoking in their own ways. But the course I'm starting to find that is having the deepest impact is my overview to the history profession. This course asks questions about what history means to others, how history is created, and what it means to be a professional historian. Tonight's reading (well it's due tomorrow, but you know...better late than never) hit more home than I anticipated.
Bruce A. VanSledright's 2011 monograph The Challenge of Rethinking History Education. On Practices, Theories and Policy a multifaceted approach to discussing the field of history and how its been taught, combined with case studies, educational research studies, secondary sources on history as a field, as well as many others. What I found so profound was the ways in which VanSledright broke down the thought processes of history teachers who are seeking to rethink and challenge the typical nation-state narrative. I have always loved history, but I took issue with it on a variety of levels. As a biracial person, the portrayal of historical figures as heroes of heroines appeared to me dubious. As adults, we realize that most people are far more dynamic and complex than a simple battle between good or well-intended persons and bad or evil, corrupting persons. Discussing the question of President Jackson and the events leading up to the Trail of Tears, I was struck by how bad a taste was left in my mouth with the mention of the "people's President". Viewing Jackson as a man of his time, I would not say that he acted in any way that would be seen as abnormal. In fact, I would go as far to say that the infamous chief justice who ruled that the Treaty of New Echota (1835) was fraudulent (based upon the fact that the "representatives" of the Cherokee nation were self-appointed and entered into contract without the behest or approval of actual officials within the tribes), was much more so the odd-man-out. Even President Washington discussed the "Indian problem", claiming that they were in need of socialization/ indoctrination into American ways.
As we enter into the last stretch before what is a very raucous and hotly debated presidential election, I think it warrants that we take pause to consider the ways in which the constructed concept of America, the History of the US as promoted and disseminated to created an overarching nation-state narrative and myth, is not one that has aided in bridging ongoing rifts within American society. If anything we should be asking ourselves what is significant about being American? Are we a land of immigrants or isolationists? Or perhaps both? Whatever the range of your personal opinion, what we need now is more dialogue, fewer assumptions and more outlets for people of various backgrounds to freely discuss concerns, grievances, etc. Now would be an excellent time to identify shortcomings, potential strengths, achievements (both big and small), and the ways in which we have not provided for our communities.
If we continue to stick to the nation-state building narrative, without any degree of questioning, America will not be made the better for it. So many claim that to critique or question the concept of America as promoted within US history courses is also to become "un-American" or to be against the very vein of American identity. I call bullshit. The concept of American identity is constantly changing, a fact which I believe is really at the heart of many people's discomfort. The average viewpoint of Americans during Jackson's time would reflect a minority of the population today. Even a return to the 1960s would offer a different dynamic in the social, economic and political mindset of many Americans. The fact that there is such a campaign to retreat into a now-fossilized concept of the nation-state narrative reflects not only the divide between persons of varying viewpoints (and an attempt to dominate again the creation and sustaining of the narrative), but also the presence of America in a position of change and on the threshold of continuing change. I would go as far to say that this crux or crossroads is not solely an American but a global predicament, one that has slowly developed during the conflicts, bombings and warfare of the past one and a half decades.
I have no answers. I feel as if others would have that response. But approaching this from a position of negative philosophy, I will say that more hate, intolerance, and personal attacks on anyone of a differing opinion is simply broadening that gap between "liberals" and "conservatives". But listening is difficult, it's underrated and undervalued. Obstinate behaviors abound, over-generalizations and assumptions are the norm. I only hope that, through questioning the actions of the world around them, the subsequent generations will take heed and not underestimate the severity of the issues at hand.
Monday, September 19, 2016
Saturday, September 17, 2016
Getting started and keeping going
Dissertations are a very special thing. In many ways, they're like being held in a pre-birthing state, in labor, ad continuum, ad nauseam, until you either manage to complete the damn thing or you drop out. This blog is my attempt to chart what I hope will be the last months of dissertation writing and editing before finally completing my doctoral work. Maybe part of me hopes that writing in any shape and form will inspire more prose of the academic sort. Maybe I'm just full of shit and want a distraction. Since this is my first post, it's really hard to tell at this point.
So what is this blog about, you ask? Well, I guess I'm hoping it will be something that's entertaining to read (that's the most important for me). But I also am hoping that it will discuss things that perhaps people don't always address when they're going through graduate school and working. Things people don't mention in a world that's competitive and often times stressful and frustrating. I'm an adjunct professor at two colleges, a mother of four lovely children (note some sarcasm there), a PhD and Masters student (I'll explain that in a bit), and someone who will hope to be a writer in the academic arena.
Life, as you might have guessed, is messy, complicated, frustrating, annoying, maddening, wonderful, enjoyable, shitty, and, maybe in some moments, awesomely rewarding. Everyday there are decisions to be made, and, although I may not choose another's decision, they may think me a dumbass for making the ones that I have over the years. I will never claim or even elude to any notion of perfection. I am neither perfect (as in flawless) nor complete, as in the original Latin perfectus sense. But for me, and I may be going on a limb here, I don't want to be. Perfection is not how to live one's life. Striving for accomplishments, achieving long-sought goals, working towards something meaningful---yes, those are all solid motivations in life, but perfection? That's for suckers because it doesn't really exist in the broader sense. If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, perfection most certainly falls in that category as well. For some, it's relative to others or what they've already created or accomplished. Others would argue it is a work that has no flaws and is complete (i.e. lacking nothing; probably better expressed that they feel as if they have thought of every possible angle and they themselves have perfected that task, rather than the thing itself). For me, perfection is a fleeting and rather fruitless notion. One moment I may feel incredible about an essay or potential article, but if I return to that work the next day, a month later or years later, I won't necessarily view it with the same set of eyes or perspective. But that is, in my humble opinion, where the beauty lies. The ever-changing, developing persons that we are and can be, means that you can continue to learn and, as you may have guessed, I've already bought the lifetime membership to the learner's club.
Why blather on about perfection? The answer is simple. The strive for perfection can be the best friend and enemy of writing and the dissertation. The academic job market kind of sucks monkey pootang. Let's not try to mask the reality of this fact. There's increasing numbers of PhDs every year without comparable PhD positions to hire those people and get them the hell off the market before I need a job. I'm kidding. And not. Writing a dissertation is not intellectually difficult. You spend years working on seminar papers of various lengths, perhaps presenting at conferences, and discussing your ideas with peers and professors. Then you complete your doctoral exam, and then, you find yourself in a void, or at least I did. I knew my general topic. I've had a weird almost obsession-driven interest in thirteenth-century religious women since the early 2000s. I had some basic questions, but it wasn't the same as having a dissertation topic, one that I knew I could finish in X number of years and still feel as if I was contributing someone valuable to the profession.
I thought I had prepared, but then I realized I had a hole in my training: theory. I'd consider myself a philologist. I love languages in their many dialectal and temporal forms, as well as the literature that corresponds to those periods and languages. My strengths tend to lie in the close reading of texts and etymology of words and usage within texts. When I began the process of researching and reading for dissertation writing my biggest mistake was that I did a lot of reading and note-taking, but I wasn't writing. I look back at how I approached my dissertation and it makes me want to claw my eyes out or drink a ginormous Irish creme on ice.
Getting into writing and taking chances can be the most hindering aspect of dissertation writing. To be honest, I don't feel that smart, despite all that I've read and the number of hours I've spent on X, Y, Z and countless other things. I think in the end, which took me admittedly a lot longer to realize than I'd like to admit, is that the process of writing a dissertation is not about creating some original piece of research. That's merely a side product of the endeavor. The challenge is the transformation from being a lowly graduate student--eager to learn and willing to eat, breathe and sleep at the temple of knowledge in whatever subject you so desire--to a scholar in the field. For some that metamorphosis is a gradual yet fairly expedient one. In my case, it was like Willow trying to turn the old witch back into her human form (if you don't know this movie, you should watch it, google it, or just move along because, as a child of the 1980s, I will make pop culture references that may seem fossilized to younger folk). I'd turn into a lion, a lamb, a donkey or mouse, but I just couldn't seem to get the spell right to shift back into a human form. I don't know that I've yet accomplished that feat.
As so it begins. This blog I mean, not some epic war near the lands of Mordor. Hopefully this blog won't be that dark nor have any sort of overpowering ring that causes a shit ton of problems. But speaking of writing and dissertations, I probably should get back to that...
So what is this blog about, you ask? Well, I guess I'm hoping it will be something that's entertaining to read (that's the most important for me). But I also am hoping that it will discuss things that perhaps people don't always address when they're going through graduate school and working. Things people don't mention in a world that's competitive and often times stressful and frustrating. I'm an adjunct professor at two colleges, a mother of four lovely children (note some sarcasm there), a PhD and Masters student (I'll explain that in a bit), and someone who will hope to be a writer in the academic arena.
Life, as you might have guessed, is messy, complicated, frustrating, annoying, maddening, wonderful, enjoyable, shitty, and, maybe in some moments, awesomely rewarding. Everyday there are decisions to be made, and, although I may not choose another's decision, they may think me a dumbass for making the ones that I have over the years. I will never claim or even elude to any notion of perfection. I am neither perfect (as in flawless) nor complete, as in the original Latin perfectus sense. But for me, and I may be going on a limb here, I don't want to be. Perfection is not how to live one's life. Striving for accomplishments, achieving long-sought goals, working towards something meaningful---yes, those are all solid motivations in life, but perfection? That's for suckers because it doesn't really exist in the broader sense. If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, perfection most certainly falls in that category as well. For some, it's relative to others or what they've already created or accomplished. Others would argue it is a work that has no flaws and is complete (i.e. lacking nothing; probably better expressed that they feel as if they have thought of every possible angle and they themselves have perfected that task, rather than the thing itself). For me, perfection is a fleeting and rather fruitless notion. One moment I may feel incredible about an essay or potential article, but if I return to that work the next day, a month later or years later, I won't necessarily view it with the same set of eyes or perspective. But that is, in my humble opinion, where the beauty lies. The ever-changing, developing persons that we are and can be, means that you can continue to learn and, as you may have guessed, I've already bought the lifetime membership to the learner's club.
Why blather on about perfection? The answer is simple. The strive for perfection can be the best friend and enemy of writing and the dissertation. The academic job market kind of sucks monkey pootang. Let's not try to mask the reality of this fact. There's increasing numbers of PhDs every year without comparable PhD positions to hire those people and get them the hell off the market before I need a job. I'm kidding. And not. Writing a dissertation is not intellectually difficult. You spend years working on seminar papers of various lengths, perhaps presenting at conferences, and discussing your ideas with peers and professors. Then you complete your doctoral exam, and then, you find yourself in a void, or at least I did. I knew my general topic. I've had a weird almost obsession-driven interest in thirteenth-century religious women since the early 2000s. I had some basic questions, but it wasn't the same as having a dissertation topic, one that I knew I could finish in X number of years and still feel as if I was contributing someone valuable to the profession.
I thought I had prepared, but then I realized I had a hole in my training: theory. I'd consider myself a philologist. I love languages in their many dialectal and temporal forms, as well as the literature that corresponds to those periods and languages. My strengths tend to lie in the close reading of texts and etymology of words and usage within texts. When I began the process of researching and reading for dissertation writing my biggest mistake was that I did a lot of reading and note-taking, but I wasn't writing. I look back at how I approached my dissertation and it makes me want to claw my eyes out or drink a ginormous Irish creme on ice.
Getting into writing and taking chances can be the most hindering aspect of dissertation writing. To be honest, I don't feel that smart, despite all that I've read and the number of hours I've spent on X, Y, Z and countless other things. I think in the end, which took me admittedly a lot longer to realize than I'd like to admit, is that the process of writing a dissertation is not about creating some original piece of research. That's merely a side product of the endeavor. The challenge is the transformation from being a lowly graduate student--eager to learn and willing to eat, breathe and sleep at the temple of knowledge in whatever subject you so desire--to a scholar in the field. For some that metamorphosis is a gradual yet fairly expedient one. In my case, it was like Willow trying to turn the old witch back into her human form (if you don't know this movie, you should watch it, google it, or just move along because, as a child of the 1980s, I will make pop culture references that may seem fossilized to younger folk). I'd turn into a lion, a lamb, a donkey or mouse, but I just couldn't seem to get the spell right to shift back into a human form. I don't know that I've yet accomplished that feat.
As so it begins. This blog I mean, not some epic war near the lands of Mordor. Hopefully this blog won't be that dark nor have any sort of overpowering ring that causes a shit ton of problems. But speaking of writing and dissertations, I probably should get back to that...
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